Happy Friday, Spursland! The Olympics are here, my friends, and I couldn't be happier! Hours and hours of obscure sports on my TV? Don't mind if I do. I can't wait to see the drama of modern pentathlon!
And now the "news"
Some Olympic snobs out there will tell you that the torch relay is lame or that the man holding us down or whatever people in Brooklyn are saying these days, but you can't tell me that when you were a kid you didn't want to light the torch. And if you try to say you didn't then it will be so obviously not true that you won't even be able to hide over the internet.
All hail new Gomes, the less butterfingery version!
What's happening around SB Nation after the jump
I know what you are thinking, "not another one". Well, just pipe down because this is glorious in so many ways. I am talking ostrich racing video good. Now, I have developed a method for reviewing this videos based on the fact that you see 40 of them a day. it isn't very scientific, but I take the last video I made it all the way through and compare it to the new one I just saw.
In this case this it is the Crystal Palace Cheerleaders version. Don't watch it if you are at work, or really anywhere, it's awful. To save you some time, the reoccurring theme of the Crystal Palace cheerleaders is that they don't know how to cheerlead so much as dress provocatively and pretened they are sex objects (I researched this, they are awful at cheering). Compare that to the USA Swimming video, where there aren't girls dancicing in bikinis with looks on their faces like they are working out a math problem. Instead, the US swimmers look like they are having a blast! They look like actualy humans with, what do you call those things that make people apealing beyond being pieces of sex meat? Oh yes, personalities. And there are dudes joinging in! Look at that, something for everyone!
By the way, is this not the longest plane in the world? They just keep dancing and the back of the plane never comes. This is just so much fun that it makes me want to dance along with them (I did, twice), and you know why? Because they are having actual fun, not participating in a sexist marketing campaign that some bro in the PR office came up with while he was at a strip club. Way to go USA Swimming! Best Call Me Maybe parody video thing of the first half of summer! I bet your mothers are very proud.
The Italian Football Association should be given the death penalty. I know a lot of people here watch Serie A and enjoy it very much, but I am not one of them. At first it was because the style of play was not appealing to me, which is also true of many people when they first begin to watch it, according to stereotypes. However, this is not why I still refuse to watch it. It is because the league has had so many match fixing scandals that they seem to come around on an Olympic schedule, and other stuff like this. I can't watch the game and not think that it is rigged.
Don't tell that to the NFL team owners or they might start pricing preseason game tickets under 100 bucks a pop.
PS: To all of our Londoners, if you get a cool, or shall we say interesting picture with an athlete during the games, send it to me and maybe we can post it in the Hoddle. Lets have some fun with these Olympics, and all the crazy crazy shit that is sure to go with them.