Do you think in football heaven...

Ledley has robust cartilage and runs like a gazelle?

Jermain Defoe grows 5 inches and can hold up play?

Gareth Bale acknowledges his right foot?

Gio secures an elusive transfer to Spain?

Danny Rose moves from the shadow of That Goal?

Rafa gets 90 minutes?

Berbatov will be chain-smoking?

Luka Modric doesn't break my heart this summer?

I'll remember David Bentley fondly?

Scotty Parker's RAF Captain locks still make the masses swoon?

Alan Hutton never happened?

Kyle Walker is a 3x Olympic sprint champion?

Daws plays the king in Henry V? "Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more!"

A set-piece will bring anticipation instead of resignation?

Ed and The Sleeping Chicken will agree on a footballing issue?

Do you think in football hell...

The Special One plays mind games with the devil?

Harry is forced to fill out an eternal line up card?

Materazzi has to marry Zidane's sister?

McCauley admits Gio may not be good?

Joey Barton has to read his own tweets?

Roman Abramovich thinks it was all worth it?

John Terry is still the worst person in the room?

Robben and Ashley Young will be forced to stand?

2003/4 happens over and over again like Groundhog Day?

Liverpool supporters admit that it is nicer than Anfield? (Bring back my hubcaps!!)