Luka Modric will not be leaving Tottenham Hotspur in the January transfer window. You knew that anyway, but I felt like telling you. Some members of the Croatian press asked Modric about whether or not he'd be leaving, he said no, his quotes were translated into English, and now every English-language football publication is yelling LUKA TO STAY LUKA TO STAY LUKA TO STAY HA HA DO YOU LIKE THAT CHELSEA AND UNITED?

Here's what that dude said to Sportske Novosti.

"We are doing our best to ensure Tottenham get the results the fans and the club demand. Given the current situation, and particularly given the fact I don't want a repeat of what I went through during the summer transfer window, I can say with almost 100% certainty that I'll be staying at Tottenham until the end of the season."

My position on this is exactly what it has been since September 1. If we qualify for the Champions League, Luka Modric will play for Tottenham Hotspur next season. If we do not qualify for Champions League, Luka will push the self-destruct button and refuse to turn up to training if Daniel Levy won't sell him. If he keeps up his current performances but we somehow finish 5th, he's getting sold for £35-40 million.

Now finish top four, dammit.