You may not have made fun of my screen name before but you probably should have. You probably haven't realized that Lennon's Eyebrow is the coolest screen name on CFC but I hope you do now.

johnf34 is really bad, with quality somewhere in the neighborhood of Hearts not that of our might Spurs. First name + last initial + Ray Allen's number? Eh.. Sure wish I could go back to that fateful day of August 22, 2009 when I joined SBNation strictly for Let's Go Tribe. It seems an odd choice these days since I have a user name on numerous sites for all kinds of things all across the WWW and it is always "jpfraase." I'm really not sure what happened on the day that "johnf34" popped into my head.

Being fair to myself I had never even heard of the glorious Tottenham Hotspur Football Club until August 2010 so there never was a chance to equal Lennon's Eyebrow.

Well, it's clear I didn't have the impeccable name picking skill that Lennon's Eyebrow did but neither did you. That's not to criticize anyone since I think there are many reasons why a name can be picked but it's more of a compliment from me to him. I'm man enough to admit my mistake and today I'm giving myself a hypothetical mulligan.

And you know what, I really want you to have one too.

To my best knowledge we are unable to change our user names. And I really don't want to anyways now that I'm established as johnf34. The goal that I have right now is for all of us to pretend we could specifically change our names only here on Cartilage Free Captain to something related to Lennon's Eyebrow. But instead of actually doing that I hope I inspire you to eventually settle for using it as your signature.

Here's the task. You are to use the name of a player, of course, in one part of the name and the other part is some type of characteristic that is funny, degrading, honorable or just plain flat out memorable about the player. It is really fun to try to think of some random little detail about a guy that defines him in his lovely, Lilywhite (not purple) kit.

If any of us were to look back on these screen names at some point down the road it should be really something that brings you back to these glory years in the history of our favorite club.

I took it upon myself to try and come up with a bunch on my own to get you started. Feel free to use any of these or rather make some of your own.

Again, while we can't make these our new screen names they definitely make a phenomenal signature. Whether you're active on other SBNation sites or not the best thing about this for me is to post on the Cleveland sites I'm active on boasting all the time of my Tottenham pride when I put the one I choose in my signature. Around here we all know about our commitment to our club but I'm going to let my love for Spurs spread throughout my commenting.

Think about the moment that made you happiest to support this great North London club. Go back to the moment that left you most devastated. Attach a name of the person involved, add a tagline to it and use it. Pick a funny little idiosyncrasy about a player. The fewer people who have actually noticed it the funnier it will be.

The only real rule I have is Lennon is completely 100% off limits. We must pay homage to the man who inspired the man who created this plan.

Here goes..

Harry's Muzzle

Redknapp's Auditor

Ledley's Treadmill

VdV's Fitness

Rafa's Poaching

Benny's Legend

BAE's Inspirational Speeches

Kaboul's Glare

Gareth's Right Foot (Uh, pass)

Bale's Pace (Getting there)

Weezus's Hat Trick (Yeppers)

Charlie's 40-Time

Niko's Neck Beard

Danny Rose's Derby

Modric's Puppet Master

Luka's Headband

Kcolhsa Nayrb

Kyle Walker's Screamer

Levy's Garlic

Emmanuel's Adebayohawk

Scotty Parker's Boots

Dawson's Diary

Gio's Entourage

Pienaar's Physio

Big Tom's Freshman Fifteen

JD's Sloppy Seconds

Pav'Z Thumbs

We've got some creative minds here on the CFC. I don't know as many details about all of these guys as you people so I hope you one up me and top all of these. Please feel free to bring back anyone who used to play for the club or any of the numerous players on the team I didn't list. Crouchy? Gallas? Jenas? Hutton? Keane? Get it done Commentariat.

johnf34's (sigh) verdict: I'm not into picking favorite players beyond Ray Allen and Kenny Lofton but if I had to now it would for sure be Sandro. But you'll notice he's not on my list. I didn't fail in coming up with something for him I just couldn't think of a decent one in the few hours I worked on this. Help? With this joy of a September behind us though I've been going against my instincts and really developing a fall bromance with Scott Parker. It has come and it will go but it's definitely real. That's right, the one for me is Scotty Parker's boots. I can don it as my signature for a little while. You're not sold? Hit the link and your heart will melt.  

I ask the Wheeler Dealer Radio men to hold off on announcing their decision in the thread and instead to proclaim their choice at the end of the next podcast.